"Everyday in the mirror, I would look at myself and ask 'Why?' Why was I the one to live while you died, why was I the one with the Cowl when all of you deserved it so much more than me. Because when I came back the first time…I didn't come back right. And maybe that's no excuse for what I ended up doing, all the people I killed, all the sin that scarred my soul, but it was true. And all of you…I treated you all so terribly, even when you were trying to reach out to me. But none of you ever gave up on me, and when I finally got there, when our family was finally whole, half of you were gone and it was just me and Cass and Steph and Duke and Babs left and I had to spend the next twenty-two years of my life without any of you by my side."
He couldn't stop talking.
"And when I found out I was dying, I was okay with it. I lived my life, a full life, a happy life I was content with and I…I wanted to see you all again, I wanted that more than anything else. I wanted to clear the air, apologize more like I should have the first time around. I wanted to tell you all, again and again, how much I loved you, because God knows I didn't say it nearly enough. But instead I found myself here, like an ironic heaven or a very special kind of hell. Because all of you are alive and yet so young it hurts," Jason cried, because crying was all he could do, "It hurts."
"It hurts so much that I feel like I'm dying all over again."
And God, now they all looked they were ready to cry themselves. Jason didn't want that. He didn't want to hurt them, like he had back then. But it seemed that was all he could now. Hurt the people he loved.
"I shouldn't be here. I should be dead. I should be dead."
"Oh, Jason," and of course it was Diana, no one had more compassion in their heart than her. Jason felt the Lasso slip away from his arm as he was gathered into her embrace. He pressed into it eagerly, buried his head into her shoulder and just cried.
Cried because he had his family back, but not really. Cried because in order to have them back, he had to lose the family he gained.
Cried because ever since he saw his reflection in the Pit, that's all he had wanted to do.
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"Thirty years, Diana. Thirty years. I suspected that he was a time traveler some sort, but only a couple of years, not—" Bruce shook his head, "And everything he's said…God, I don't know how he can even look at me!"
"It was bad enough I got him killed. But everything that came after, being turned him into a weapon against his family, finally getting him home only for me to die and leave behind a legacy that would kill all three of his brothers. A legacy he forced himself to bear, because to him, it was all he had left of us. And when he died once more, the universe conspired to have him live his life all over again. And instead of just giving up on this life like he should have done, and leaving me behind to start a new one, he came back here and he's going to destroy himself all over again just to save us."
"He's not my son, Diana. He's not, because he doesn't deserve to be my son. He deserves better," He turned to Dick and Tim, who were watching him with wide eyes. "You all do."
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"Just because we are not those people, does not mean they were not us," Alfred added in his two cents, lifting his head to look at everyone, "As we have previously established, Master Jason came from the future. The future versions of ourselves that he knew were us at one point, just like how Master Jason was the boy we lost over a year ago, and still is, just with decades of more memories and experiences in his head. People are constantly changing as they gradually accumulate experiences; that is simply the nature of life. To him, we are the family he lost, just without all those memories and experiences."
"And even with all that, if you don't quite believe what I say, it as Master Dick said — it does not matter to him. He loves us, and we loved him before we knew all of this. The question is now, whether or not we still love him after all of this."
That statement had profound effect on everyone. Outbursts came from every direction as all the other people in the room began to protest the butler's words. Even Tim, who had literally just met Jason today, was aghast to hear such a thing come from Alfred's mouth.
"Alfred, how could you—"
"Why would you even think—"
"Of course we still love him!"
"Then why are we even debating this at all!" The old man angrily cut them all off. Everyone was struck dumb, seeing him so uncharacteristically angry and without his usual impeccable and near-unassailable composure.
"He loves us, and we love him. In the face of that, nothing else matters. We shouldn't be discussing whether or not we deserve that love, but rather how we're going to help him. Whether we like it or not, the damage has already been done. Nothing is going to erase the pain Master Jason went through in that dark future of his, not even if we erased the memories from his mind. And even if we did do that, the timeline has already been irrevocably changed due to his, Miss Cassandra, and Master Damian's early presences at the Manor. We need his knowledge of the future to counteract any of the negative effects that may come from this."
哭成傻逼
真的TAT